What Is With All Da SexCrazed People Round Here?
by weird minds
Summary: OMG' yelled Harry. 'I’ve always wanted to boogie down with poledancing elves' 'Call Me' shouted a skinny female elf in a pink thong and matching bra. 18 and older. Even though I am only 14.
1. My Sister Don't Count Harry!

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!' screamed Harry. "My ass!"

It had started to swell up to the size of a pumpkin, no a watermelon!

Aaaahhhhhh, help me"

I think it looks fantastic' said Ron, "I like pumpkin shaped asses! They are so juicy". "Eww Ron stop acting gay and help me up to the Hospital wing Madam Humpalot will be able to help me" ( Madam Prompfry left in Harry's six year because of personal problems)

As the two walked up the stairs they saw Hermione currently in the middle of giving one of her more passionate kisses to Neville Longbottom (Neville went through puberty, finally, and turned into quite a ladies man)

"Fuck I wish Neville kissed me like that, God Hermione you have to steal all the good ones, I told you I had feelings for Neville and you just have to steal him, you SLUT, as Ron said this he stormed off drenched in tears, he had one look at Neville and said

'I love you, but it seems you love somebody else, a girl (eeeeww) you FREAK'

2 hours later Harry finally wobbled out of the hospital wing with a normal sized butt!

O my god thought Harry I cant believe I had to pull down my pants in front of the school nurse and that I had wait while she got a second opinion from Dumbledore!

Bang! Peeves suddenly appeared in front of Harry "potty got big bum, potty got big bum. Great Harry thought just what I need but before peeves could get properly started the bloody baron appeared around the corner and peeves spend of as fast as he could.

Later on that day, Ron and Harry went to the common room, and then there was Neville and Hermione, 'OMG! Get a room yous two" Harry said the smirk clearly visible on his face everyone was then looking at Ron, then he said 'and to think I was interested in you' then he walked off, 'wait ago, you two, said Harry then Harry ran after Ron,

'Look Ron, forget about them, you deserve somebody better than Neville Longbottom, 'yeah your right Harry, I deserve somebody like you'

eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww Ron, I'm not gay! Hell no!

'I was only joking, Harry, I think you look like your pumpkin shaped ass! Ron then cracked up in laughter.

Hey I am not that ugly! Harry exclaimed.

Yeah I bet Luna would love to go out with you the same with Moaning Myrtle.

At least I've been in a REAL relationship.

My sisters don't count Harry.

Why? spluttered Harry.

You really want me to answer that?

'Well anyway, we need to go to the hall soon for dinner, come on lets go'

So they left the boys dormitory and headed down towards the Hall


	2. Neville's Lucky Night

**_Hey guys & Girls. Well I have decided to error correct my work for you. Hope it's easier to read! _**

Once they arrived they walked down to their seats, and sat down

"Welcome students of Hogwarts," bellowed Professor McGonagall. "There are a few things I need to say before we start this wonderful feast. Firstly; I want you all to know that due to past events I am now headmaster and Professor Lupin will be taking over my roll as head of Gryffindor house. He will also be taking Defense Against the Dark Arts classes, and also; I AM PREGNANT! She screamed this and burst out in tears, "I am so sorry students, and the father is Professor Flitwick, god he is so damn attractive! Thank you Students, lets begin the feast!" She ran out of the Great hall crying, and following her was professor Flitwick

"Is that even possible?" said Ron, "it can't be doesn't there have to be some kind of…" Ron was cut off by Hermione's voice.

"Ron, pssssst Ron, Ron I'm sorry that I was making out with Neville! I didn't know that you like him, please just forgive me! I broke up with him just before, I am really sorry! Can we please just be friends!"

Ron seemed to give a lot of thought about this as he didn't bother to wipe the coleslaw off of his face.

"Well if you set me up with Neville, and maybe give me some kissing tips, then I could maybe forgive you." Hermione looked shocked for a second but then a sly, Draco Malfoy like, smirk crossed her face.

"I already have! He'll be waiting for you in the boy's dormitory tonight at 9pm ok? And that's like now!"

Ron smiled and said thanks to Hermione. He ran out of the Great Hall towards the boys dormitory. He quickly brushed his hair, put on some perfume, and grabbed his man bag, and ran upstairs.

Ron opened the door and there was Neville in a black G-string on Ron's bed, which was now full of rose buds.

"I've been waiting for you Ron. Do you like my G-string? I've just waxed for you, so come here and lets get started, you naughty bi-a-tch."

Ron was lost for words, and just sat next to Neville. Neville started to kissing him. He kept going down, lower, and lower, until he reached is destination.

"OMG, Ron! I didn't know you were so equipped! It's just so BIG, and NICE, and BEAUTIFULL! Wow, I am so shocked! I never knew you had such beauty!"

"Let me see yours now!" demanded Ron.

Once bother of them were naked and just getting started Hermione burst through the door.

"I CAN"T STAND THIS! I LOVE BOTH OF YOU!" Hermione was panting and her hair was a mess. She looked just like a lion. "LETS BE A TRIO!"

"I'm cool with it." Neville shrugged, "how about you Ron?"

"Just as long as we can have each other equally, and share the DIRTY WORK!" Ron rubbed his hands together.

"Deal!"

So Hermione quickly striped and she was wearing a red lace G-string, and a red lace bra.

She hoped into bed with Ron and Neville and they got down to business.


	3. I'll Save You From Her Hagrid!

_**Hey! Well here hands cookie jar take a cokkie and a grass tea hands tea and listen to my story!**_

Harry was avoiding the Gryffindor common room by walking around the school grounds. He thought he should go see his good friend Hagrid but when he knocked on the door of Hagrid's hut he could hear some strange noises, it sounded like Hagrid was in trouble.

"Hagrid I'm coming!" Screamed Harry.

Harry burst into the room but was unprepared for what he saw; Madam Maxine and Hagrid making out… NAKED!

"Aaaah! Um s…s… sorry." Spluttered Harry. "I'll come back l…later."

"You can stay if you want?" Hagrid said winking seductively.

"Ummm no thanks, bye!" Harry yelled as he ran out of the hut as fast as he could.

Harry woke up to someone nudging him. When he had gotten back from Hagrid's Hut, Ron, Neville and Hermione were all asleep naked, in Ron's bed.

'Arrrghh' he had thought. 'What is with all the sex-crazed people around here?'

_But now too see who had woken him up_.

"Harry" whispered a gentle voice. "I need you Harry… NOW!"

"What?" Harry whispered back.

"Harry lets do it now! You know you want to!" The voice became sly, interlacing its way into Harry's brain.

"Ginny?" Harry questioned.

"No you idiot!" The voice became fierce. "It's me! Romilda."

"Ummmm what?" Harry opened his eyes slightly.

"I love you Harry! Please I need you now!"

Harry felt someone get into the bed. Lying a little closer than normal, Romilda didn't seem to wearing very much clothing.

"Umm Romilda what are you wearing?" Harry stuttered, afraid to roll over.

"Nothing Harry, I didn't want to waste time getting undressed" she whispered into his ear.

"Oh, well I suppose that makes sense" Harry replied.

"Well do you want to do it or are we going to keep on chatting?" Romilda was getting impatient.

"Well actually Romilda, sex does sound better doesn't it?"

After a wild night of humping like rabbits Harry woke up to the sun streaming on his face and his glasses no where to be found.

'Oh well,' Harry thought, It was time I got contacts anyway.


	4. I Hate You! Outside Of Bed That Is

Harry hoped out of bed. A sheet wrapped around his waist. He walked out the door only to find, there was Ginny crying.

"How could you Harry? I lost my virginity with you! And now you go and have sex… SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMEN!" Sure enough just at that moment Ron walked out wearing Neville's g-string. "AND RON YOU SICK BASTED! A TRIO, WITH NEVILLE AND HERMIONE! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" With that she stormed out crying.

"Just cause your not getting any!" Ron laughed slyly.

"Look Ginny I am really sorry," Harry tried, "I am really attracted to you, and I really like you and I think you a goddess in bed, but she just jumped in naked and I couldn't find my glasses. It just happened… I'm sorry. If I could take it all back I would, I love you."

"Really, you LOVE me? THEN WHY THE HELL DID U HAVE SEX WITH HER!"

She stormed off into the girls dormitories and slammed the door.

"SHIT! FUCKING HELL! GOD DAMN! FUCK, SHIT, SHIT HOLE! I AM A FUCKING LOSER! LOOSER! BIG FUCKING HEAD, SMALL FUCKING BRAIN! GINNY I LOVE YOU! AAAAHHHHH LOVE! L.O.V.E! I HATE YOU WOMEN LYING NAKED IN MY BED! YOU GIRL, ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO THE SEX GODDESS GINNY! MY GIRLFRIEND, GGGGGIIINNNYYY!

All Day Harry was waited outside Ginny's room, sing songs

"L: is for the way you look me.

O: is for the only one I see.

V: is very, very extraordinary.

E: is everything that you and I…"

"Give it a rest Harry." Ron came out of the boys dormitories. "She won't talk to you… ever, so you might as well just come to bed. We have lot's of room in our bed you if want to join us." Ron kissed Harry, but Harry pushed him away.

"Harry, Baby, I Love you. I'm sorry yours and Ginny's relationship got messed up, but now we can have a relationship."

"Ewwww! No Ron! You have to understand! IM NOT GAY! So stop talking about us having a relationship!"

"Yeah Ron, Harry wants a relationship with me!" Romilda insisted, emerging from the common room.

"NO! I don't want a relationship with any of you! Romilda I hate you! (Outside of bed, of course) And Ron! IM NOT GAY! Anyway I love Ginny" Ron cocked an eyebrow.

"Your sister Ron! You know her right?"


	5. Any Girl That Gets Into His Bed Naked

While Ron, Romilda and Harry were arguing in the common room Ginny was to be found in the girl's bathroom on the second floor. This is where she had gone that horrible day of Dumbledore's funeral and when she had found out that Harry was dating Cho Chang. Harry and Ginny weren't even going out at the moment, but they had only broken up as Harry didn't think that it would be safe. But now Harry was just screwing ANY girl that just happen"s to get into his bed naked.

"I MEAN COME ON! WHO THE FUCK BUT THE 'CHOSEN ONE' WOULD DO THAT?" Screamed Ginny.

"Mmm?" Moaning Myrtle contemplated. "ME?"

"What?" Ginny stuttered.

"As long as he was HOT it would be fine by me!" Moaning Myrtle smiled.

"Yeah but ……………………." Ginny replied

"Of course I wouldn't do it if I already had a gorgeous partner."

"Well," Ginny whispered. "We weren't exactly going out."

"What?"

"But he had just broken up with me … well at the end of last year… and I still love him!"

"Make him buy you something expensive and beg on his hands and knees! That's what I'd make him do!" Insisted Myrtle.

"You know Myrtle… that's not a bad idea" Ginny said laughing.

But that's not what _REALLY_ happened.


	6. You&Luna Had Dildo, Fluffy Handcuff Sex?

Harry stalked through the corridors. He was angry. Ginny hated him and all he had done was have sex with some girl who had hopped into his bed naked. How could she blame him for that and besides, Romilda had shown him some pretty good moves in that bed. Harry didn't know about how if you could go at it upside down like they did, it was pretty unique…………

Harry saw Ginny and began to explain how it wasn't his fault and how Romilda had pushed him into it. Ginny watched with a smile slowly appearing on her face.

"Well Harry," Ginny said slyly. "I figured considering it's ok for you, I figured it would be fine for me too."

"What!" Harry sounded astonished. "Ginny tell me what you did!"

"Well… it kind of just happened. Buuuut… me and Luna got it on in the bathroom just then."

**_Flash back_**

"_You know, that's not a half bad idea Myrtle." Ginny laughed._

"_Not only should you make him beg you should have sex with the next person who walks into this room." Myrtle stated._

"_Ok," Ginny replied. "Your right!"_

_The bathroom door swung open to reveal Luna… wearing a small towel and carrying a bag slung over one of her shoulders. _

"_Hey guys," she said. "What's up?" _

"_The sky, trees, the roof plaster, other floors, ummm a tower, clouds, stars…" Ginny replied. "But enough about what's up, I was wondering if you wanted to have sex with me?"_

"_Like now?" Luna asked. _

"_Yes." Ginny said clearly._

"_OMG! This is so cool! You'll never guess what I brought just in case I walked into the bathroom and someone wanted to have sex!" Luna dropped the big bag._

"_What?" Ginny asked curiously._

"_A dildo and fluffy handcuffs!" Luna exclaimed. _

"_Oh yes!" Ginny exclaimed. "This is going to be so much fun!"_

_**End of Flash back**_

"You and Luna had dildoed, fluffy handcuffed sex?" Harry spluttered.

"Yes, if you must know. We did." Ginny said.

"But… why? I mean what's your excuse?" Harry spat out.

"She forced me." Ginny said in mock resemblance of Harry's excuse for sleeping with Ramilda.

"Ok whatever. Is the fight over? I have the best new moves to show you!" Harry rubbed his hands together.

"Of course it's over now! Let's get to the room of requirement! I wanna nice comfy bed this time." Ginny stated. "I mean the bathroom floor… yeow!"


End file.
